Today I found myself in between a rock and a hard place. The rock was truly made up of my own projections, and the hard place was made of the words that I say to myself when things get tough. Between imposter syndrome, and the random moments in which I am sure that someone is hoping that I might remain stuck at 'self doubt,’ I am able to get quite a bit done.
Unfortunately, what I accomplish does not always serve as a ready counter to my fears about what I don't know, or what I tell myself that I should have already known.
What seems to have worked is being connected to a community that knows this experience, and who don't now find it a chore to affirm the gifts that I hold. I’ve watched people model what it means to walk in the glory of their being. Having now been able to create, support, and maintain several virtual communities that serve what I hope to receive as I transition into new roles, I have gained surprising insight.
I have learned how to ask for help, while holding onto my dignity. I have learned this great dance from watching and cheering for people who have come to me for help.
I have watched people be less than perfect, and still demand respect without uttering a word. Witnessing this has directly challenged the schema that I have drawn in my brain related to why, or the circumstances in which my worthiness might be up for question. In the end, I have come to know, on a core level, that a mistake makes you no less worthy.
With inner trembling, I have learned to stand tall, while hoping that someone else might be inspired to keep going. All while dancing in the beauty of imperfection.
And when it is especially hard, but when I can push back against feeling as if I might fall apart, I remember that to keep pushing.
Still, there are times that I forget that I have control over the rock and that hard place. As a result of tussling with this, I have come to understand some truths about my own power, and my super-ability to share that power. All of it is within my control, and that is of utmost importance to know, and to harness.
Unfortunately, what I accomplish does not always serve as a ready counter to my fears about what I don't know, or what I tell myself that I should have already known.
What seems to have worked is being connected to a community that knows this experience, and who don't now find it a chore to affirm the gifts that I hold. I’ve watched people model what it means to walk in the glory of their being. Having now been able to create, support, and maintain several virtual communities that serve what I hope to receive as I transition into new roles, I have gained surprising insight.
I have learned how to ask for help, while holding onto my dignity. I have learned this great dance from watching and cheering for people who have come to me for help.
I have watched people be less than perfect, and still demand respect without uttering a word. Witnessing this has directly challenged the schema that I have drawn in my brain related to why, or the circumstances in which my worthiness might be up for question. In the end, I have come to know, on a core level, that a mistake makes you no less worthy.
With inner trembling, I have learned to stand tall, while hoping that someone else might be inspired to keep going. All while dancing in the beauty of imperfection.
And when it is especially hard, but when I can push back against feeling as if I might fall apart, I remember that to keep pushing.
Still, there are times that I forget that I have control over the rock and that hard place. As a result of tussling with this, I have come to understand some truths about my own power, and my super-ability to share that power. All of it is within my control, and that is of utmost importance to know, and to harness.
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